Grounded

Today (well for the last few months actually) I have been reminded to look to Christ as my only identity factor. WHY WHY, do I always forget? It is so easy in this life to get distracted from the truth. It is so easy to get attached to things, people, places. Not that its a bad thing to get attached, God gives us blessing and gifts to enjoy, BUT I find myself drawing my strength from those things and not from God. And when those things (i.e. a marriage, a job, a home, our children, our "social" standing, our bank account) are lost, or seem to be slipping away its easy to feel like the world is closing in. Satan uses such traps to convince us that life is dark, dull, lonely, etc. and after we buy into the lie he tells us, then we are right where he wants us to be. Our guard down, doubtful of God's love for us, doubtful of God's intentions towards us. The same trick he has been using since the garden. Did God really say? Don't you wonder why God is holding out on you? And even as I know this truth, and even as I write it and ask God to speak it fresh into my heart, I still find myself looking a my bank balance, looking at my children's accomplishments, looking to everything else to find comfort and harmony in my life.....When the one person who can bring peace to my heart and in my life gets what energy I have left after I've wasted my energy focusing on everything else.

Just a short rant, no worries

I need to hear more grace. Just a simple fact of my life right now. Life is hard. I hear tons of messages from churches, books, friends, family, etc...about how "we" (meaning us Christians) need to do more to make God happy. AS IF.....maybe they haven't read that part in scripture that says, our righteous acts are like filthy rags before a holy God. Nothing we do or don't do (once we are saved) can take God's love or blessings away from us. He blesses who he wants to, no matter. Lots of people who don't claim to know Christ or care anything of God have been blessed by him. My actions, or in actions do not determine his love and care towards me. If not for his grace I'd be a mountain of ashes. Only by acknowledging his grace and kindness towards me do I keep myself in check. The moment I begin to think that God's love is based on me and not on him and the finished work of the Cross, I'm in danger of becoming the very thing Jesus warned about, white washed tombs. Pretty on the outside, but full of lies and deceit on the inside. May I always remember that its ALL about HIM.

Thoughts from yet another birthday.....

WOW! another birthday down, its been a crazy kinda year for me, and that is most likely an understatment. I guess like every year I've had ups and downs. Mountians and valleys of life we like to call them. Many things have shaped my outlook on life in a new way over the past year.

I lost a someone in my life who I had grown to think of as a close and dear friend. Needless to say, it left me bruised, and wounded in ways I hadn't felt in a long time. Instead of giving into the desire to grow bitter and resentful, I have learned that life is best lived with your heart wide open, knowing full well that living that way gives people a chance to hurt you. At the end of the day, I'd rather be hurt than not risk at all.

The loss of Gabe Brewer at RSC impacted me in ways I never expected. I didn't even know him that well, but to witness a church be the hands and feet of Jesus during such a tragedy left me awe struck at the willingness of the human spirit to offer love, hope, and compassion, in the most difficult of times.

We meet Brad's biological father in Nov. 09. What most astounded me about the entire situation was God's timing. He worked everything out, in his time. Of course his plans are always better than our own.

I began homeschooling our kids this year. This experience more than any other has impacted me the most this past year. Number one, I learned that I can in fact do the impossible.....be with my kids 24/7 and not loose my mind. What I have learned about the "debate" (homeschool vrs public school) is that people are really misinformed about the other side of the issue. Public schools are not the enemy. There are really great teachers out there who love children and consider it a very high and responsible calling to teach them. And not all homeschool parents are "fundementalists" or wear skirts and long hair. Homeschooled kids are very normal, and public school is not the devil.

So on my 32nd birthday, I feel overwhelmed with life, yes.....but confident that HIS mercies are new every morning. And no matter what may come, HE is on my side, calling me to live life to the fullest. Not to waste a moment of time, HIS time. To love with open arms, and not to close them to tight when I get hurt.

"LOVE"

"For love is as strong as death, Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD, Many waters cannot quench love; neither can floods drown it."
Song Of Solomon 8:6-7

It is so true, love is the strongest force God has given to his creation. How we use it is left to us.

Yes, I've crossed over into the "Twilight" world.....

I didn't watch "Twilight" until it came out on DVD last year. The movie was not that great, and I failed to see what all the fuss was over. I went to see "New Moon" with a friend of mine last month. Everyone I knew (ok, almost everyone) was going, so I gave into peer pressure and jumped off the cliff. At the end of "New Moon", Bella and Edward plan to get married. Are you kidding? Marry a vampire? Everyone kept telling me to read the books, because there was so much of the story that didn't make it into the movie. So, that is what I did. I started with "Eclipse" to see how in the world Edward and Bella worked out marriage, then I just had to read "Breaking Dawn" for all the juicy (no pun intended) details. After reading the two books (in record time I might add); I went back to the beginning and read all of them. My friends were right, the movies don't do the books justice at all. Rarely do books make good movies. I had read all the reviews, I've even read some reviews from a theological perspective, and how the author, Stephanie Meyer worked her own Mormon faith into the story. At the end of the day, none of the reviews I read paint the series into what it really is. As far as matters of faith it is a deeply spiritual tale of love, hope, loyalty and the power of redemption. I didn't get the feeling that any particular faith played a role in the books. It was more of a universal tale of wanting to be loved, and finding the love you want; wanting to be known and longing to be accepted. The universal desire of every human heart.

It is, by all accounts a love story, much better than Romeo and Juliet, I might add. Edward Cullen (not to be confused with Rob Pattinson) is the best male character to come along in quite some time. The reason so many woman of all ages swoon over him is the way he loves Bella. With all the feminism junk of today, and all the bra burning of the past, woman still want to be loved in a way that only a real man can love them. We want men to be men! No sissy boys allowed (although, unfortunately that is what alot of men have become). Edward offers Bella his strength, his power, protection, loyalty, and all the while he shows enormous restraint when he is around her. Not wanting to hurt her in any way, the sheer will power it takes to be in the same room with her pales in comparison to anything I've ever seen. It makes a recovering alcoholic look tame.

For me personally, the role of Edward Cullen is its own story. All of us, no matter what faith we are or are not, have a strong desire to be loved, to belong, to take off our mask, and reveal our true selves to the world. We all have our own personal demons to control, our own monsters to keep at bay. Will someone love us if they really know who we are, what we are capable of, what we have done in the past, how we could hurt them if we get to close, can I stop hiding, will you love me anyway, can you see past the monsters? All those questions get answered for Edward. Bella loves him. It is the biggest surprise of Edwards long life. Its more than he ever expected and more than he deserves. In the end, Bella gives up her life of luxury, her humanity to be with him. She loves him so much, that she would enter into his world, feel the pain of darkness, the terror of what she has now become. I have never read a love story like it, and doubt I ever will again. It is a one of a kind tale, sort of.....

It is not the Christian story by any stretch of the imagination. But it does remind me in my own personal life and my own faith just how much Jesus loves the human race. Sinful, vile, evil people...capable of unspeakable acts of violence and hatred. At times we show no restraint to the evil inside us, and yet....he gave up so much (at least the human side of Jesus) to show how much he cared. How he longed for us to embrace the good, and leave the darkness behind. He loves us. With our mask off and all our monsters exposed....God says "come", "its ok, I know who you really are, you are mine".

I loved the books and I'm in love with the love story it tells. I'm a follower, and if it isn't clear by now, I'm totally Team Edward!!

Christmas expectations

I get so caught up in the expectation of it all. The lights, the
presents, the "magic" of the season. All these things are good.
Blessing from the father, and I enjoy them. People usually say
something like "remember the reason we celebrate, or its Jesus
birthday" something to that effect, just to remind us that its not
about the "magic" of the lights, or Santa or whatever may steal our
affections. This year I have be thinking of the expectation of the
season, and how it effects me. I get excited to find the "perfect"
gift for someone, I'm overjoyed when the kids open Santa on Christmas
morning, I love making homemade gifts for my grandmother (who insists
I not spend any money on her). Then all in one day, the "magic" is
gone, the toy that you found (that you spent hours searching for and
fighting over with some crazy women at Toys R Us) is discarded. Its
such a disappointment of sorts. At least for me, its sad to see the
season go.

The longing of the heart that Christmas brings is something of the
human experience. We long for peace, for happy children, for beautiful
family gatherings, and wonderful memories. Then we are confronted with
the reality that our longings and dreams are carried out in a sinful,
fallen world. The longing in my heart for "peace on earth" doesn't
come by accident. God put it there for a purpose. That purpose is to
drive us to seek the one who can fill our hearts with peace, and our
homes with joy. The peace and joy that comes from knowing him. The
understanding that one day, all this expectation, waiting, longing,
going to the mountaintop, living in the valley, will come to an end.
We will stand before our God, whole and complete, not lacking
anything. We will be made perfect, the real us, who we were meant to
be from the beginning of time. He will come and put all our longings
to rest. The expectation and hope for "peace on earth" will be meet!
That is the good news of the Christmas story that began in a manger
over 2000 years ago. In the meantime, enjoy the lights, search for the
perfect gift, and yes, stare down the woman at Toys R Us who threatens
to come between you and a happy child on Christmas morning.

He is such a mess

So I'm wondering if Brennan has the early signs of multiple personality disorder????

When we wore his Halloween costume, (he was Buzz Lightyear) he thought he became the real Buzz (I know, how cute). Well, since then.....he has become the Cookie Monster, Rudolph, Frosty the Snowman, and of course he still refers to himself as Big Buzz.

I'll just be joking with him and ask him "are you Frosty", or "are you Rudolph" sometimes he'll say "yep" and sometimes he'll say "no, I'm _______" So when he has been getting into trouble he has been blaming it on one of this alter egos. I know, I know....its so darn cute!!!